I bet that you visited this site because you are interested in the idea of belonging to a small discipleship group. You assume that I am something of an “authority” on relational discipleship, and that I have been for years a part of a thriving small group, or perhaps the director of a small group ministry. Wrong on all accounts.
I am by personality a loner, an introvert who has always been inclined to solve my problems before I talk to anyone about them—even my wonderful wife, Joan. I grew up in a religious environment where asking too many questions or airing too much dirty laundry was fraught with the possibility of humiliation. I left home at 14, and never had a really close friend until college.
Surprised? There’s more. I built a wall of protection around myself that took years to dismantle. My wife had no idea how closed I was before we married because I had learned to act the part of a confident and out-going PK. She patiently (and often not so patiently) chipped away at the wall, and after ten years of marriage we finally connected as friends as well as lovers. But for God’s grace the story could have had a very different ending.
Image by jdurham
Why, then, am I blogging about life-changing, transformative relationships? First, there has always been a deep, gnawing vacancy in my soul that I knew was the price I paid for protecting myself from open relationships. I knew I was not a whole person, but I dared not connect. Second, as a young pastor in the Northwest U.S., I was for the first time introduced to home Bible studies. A number of large, vibrant congregations in the Portland area had widespread networks with participation that exceeded their membership totals. I watched, and listened. I attended training seminars. My wife and I finally organized one among young couples in our congregation. I was hooked! But not yet open.
The turning point came as a result of research for my doctoral dissertation that required two years of residence in Great Britain. I wanted to find out what 18th-century Methodists thought about the small groups that John Wesley (the founder of the Methodist movement) required every adherent to join and remain a part of—for life. I read diaries and journals (probably a thousand of them!)
We cannot recreate the formative years of this or any other religious movement. But we can learn—and practice in concrete ways—the naked honesty that I discovered in the dusty journals written two centuries ago. As I began to re-read the New Testament, I realized that the Ancient Church also understood the essential truth that the Holy Spirit transforms us into the image of Christ primarily through face-to-face relationships with fellow believers. None of this stuff we used to sing about: “On the Jericho Road, there is room for just two. No more and no less, just Jesus and you.” Spiritual life is never “just Jesus and you.” It is you, and Jesus, and a committed friend (2 or 3 would be great). It is Christ in the Scriptures, and books by saints who share their battles and victories.
Disconnected? Lonely?
Who is walking with you, who knows your inner thoughts, fears, and battles?
Love this bro and couldn’t agree more.
I have come to the acknowledgement that “this” is why I exist. God has created ME to be in community with Him and His family. The application of that is so practical.. we miss it!
In order to be in authentic community we must first get over ourselves. That is the stumbling block that most can’t get pass