I have spent the last 30 years thinking about, observing, participating in, and developing small groups. I realized very early that relationships are enormously diverse. I have a wide circle of friends on five continents. With many of these friends, we were once in circumstances where we could be very close. One is my college roommate who married by college biology lab partner (who shepherded me through the course!). Another is a Bible college classmate with whom my family and I later had an interesting camping experience. Another is a fellow pastor who has spent years in Africa as a church planter. Another group is a Bible study and prayer group that we joined while we were pastors in Great Britain. We had a chance to meet with them again a couple of years ago–25 years after our previous meeting–and we found that the relationships were as strong as ever–but we had a lot of catching up to do! My wife and I have been part of a dinner group of faculty members where we work that has celebrated dozens of milestones over the last 15 years, but the bonds are much deeper than might be expected, because we have walked through deep water with each other: retirements, deaths, terminations, doctoral programs, and illnesses.
In our congregations we have seen Bible studies, prayer groups, dinner groups, ministry groups, Sunday school classes, and discipleship programs bring people together. In each case, the participants were enriched, encouraged, sustained, formed, and reformed–even though few, if any, of these groups were long-lived. Please note what I just wrote: even though few, if any, of these groups were long-lived.
I studied John Wesley’s small groups and wrote my doctoral thesis on them. He called them “class meetings” and demanded that every would-be Methodist join–and attend–one for as long as he or she maintained a relationship with the Methodist movement. (I’ll go deeper into that in another post–stay tuned!) These groups were long-lived, though not problem-free–and transformed the Methodist Revival in 18th century Britain into a culture-molding movement. These groups have been idolized repeatedly. How many books and articles have begun with the nostalgic whimsy, “How can we reproduce Wesley’s system?” We are wasting time dreaming about something that once existed–that provides us no starting point now.
We live in a radically different world, and if we wait until we have a fully-formed system of enduring relationships that engage the entire membership of our congregation, we will all shrivel and die of loneliness and spiritual starvation. What we can do is create situations where people engage with each other as acquaintances, then friends, at many different, and perhaps rather superficial levels. Then we can encourage them, though example, preaching, teaching, and organization (probably in that order) to more toward deeper–and more deliberate–relationships. Any relationship is better than none! In a culture where fully one-third of the population do not have a single close friend (apart from family members), we have to start where our friends and neighbors are. Note: shorter term relationships are okay, too.
Here’s my point. Start where you are, with current friends. Invest time with any of these friends who are aching for stronger connections. Nurture these friendships, as a group if you can, individually if necessary. Be honest and open about the spiritual realities of your life. Keep your antenna up, looking for others to engage. You will be transformed, and so with those you draw towards you.
Hi there, I have just checked out a similar post at articlepool.com. Do you have any kind of affiliation with various other websites?¿