I was a Godly mother of two, but by the of age 43, I had lost every close family member in my life, including my marriage. My mother died unexpectedly when I was 14. My father moved away and we were not close, so I was basically on my own until I married at age 26. At age 21 I committed my life to Christ, and followed Him into marriage at 26. Both of my older brothers had passed away from cancer by 2003. It has been 11 1/2 yrs, I have been single. God has been so good, so faithful and I am very grateful for every little thing I have. I praise Him for my daughters, my job, my health, hot water, food. The last 3 years have been a desert, a wilderness. Our business has suffered, as most have but I stand firmly on the promises of God. It has been a long stretch, this ‘side of the desert’. God has an appointed time for specific events in our life. Being single, female, and Christian, has been very challenging. God Bless You.
Heartpeace, I sense in your post both strong faith and emotional drought. You mention your children, your losses, your business difficulties. Who are your formative friends? Who are your models? Who brings Jesus to you when life is hard?
Thank you for your interest and warmth. I love your phrasing, “Who brings Jesus to you when life is hard”. The raw truth is many times there is no one! I cling to Him and keep His word in my heart. I often wonder if Corrie ten Boom didn’t feel this way. I have 2 girlfriends I love dearly that might fit that category. One, we keep in touch each week Another girlfriend who just moved an hour away, and she’ll keep in semi contact, as she is a busy person. Otherwise, it’s just me and the Trinity and TBN. Lest you think I might enjoy suffering, I don’t but I discovered that when I indulged in a real adult size hissy fit in 2003, when I learned the owner of my first ever beautiful house (I rented) decided to sell it after only 6 mos. and I had to move yet again, that hissy fits are exhausting, and don’t change a thing.LOL. I would love nothing more, than to find a close knit group, a Godly husband and family. I have gone out and joined church singles groups and tried every online dating website on the web and God’s message to me was…”I” will bring him to ‘you’ continue walking in obedience” Loud and Clear, He steered me away from there. Sermons like, “God’s Appointed Time” He has ministered to me. Everytime “I” try to make something happen, it just doesn’t work out. I have stood on the Scripture that says, “He puts the solitary in families” for many years. I’m not one who enjoys being this isolated and alone, I often hate it in fact, but I have to believe He knows what He’s doing and as the poem goes…”He Maketh No Mistake” and is working all things together for my good. As in other tough times,I believe He obviously does have an appointed time. At some point I will finally scale this forest, and be able to report to you of God’s incredible delieverance. Until, then,I would covet your prayers and I thank you for caring, my brother and thank you for simply conversing with me! I welcome your thoughts. These years of aloneness, have certainly made me completely empathic towards the imprisoned and elderly who must endure much the same and worse <3 and of course motivates me to pray for them. Perhaps one day He will open the door for me to minister to those groups. For we know that what we suffer, we can then comfort others and this is good. God's Peace and Blessings to you and yours.
Thanks for your response to my question. I understand loneliness–by the time I finished college I had created around myself an emotional fortress of protection so high and thick it took the Holy Spirit ten years to dismantle it.
God does not intend for us to be alone. He intends for us to be enmeshed in a web of Spirit-energized relationships that offer loving support for us–and opportunities to be Jesus to others.
You mentioned in your note that “perhaps some day God would allow you to minister to shut ins.” Why are you waiting? Even a hour a week would be life-changing for someone! Who do you meet in your daily work that is hurting? Are there fringe people at church that seem disconnected?
We want groups to pull us in and make us feel wanted. Perhaps God is waiting for you, as a maturing believer–to start pulling the weak and tentative into formative friendships with you! Make a list of three people who need somebody, and be a good listening friend to them. Then ask God to fill your heart with his love afresh, and love will compel you to include them.
I replied to your June 19th reply but I guess I hit a wrong button, so it wasn’t saved ? When you say God does not intend for us to be alone but to be enmeshed in a web of Spirit energized relationships that offer loving support, I agree wholeheartedly. Ideally, if every true follower of Jesus would seek to live in a ‘giving’ mode, the problem of loneliness would surely be less, but here’s reality…many don’t or don’t think they can. Whether its because they are only concerned about their own famalies or because they only have so much energy, and that’s where they choose to spend it, people these days are distrustful of anyone. And when one is in an isolated work and living place as I am, the web of energized relationships shrinks considerably. Your statement is the ideal, just like the theory that we were never meant to die, but since Adam and Eve sinned, death and diease came into the world. Gods ideal was that we live forever in harmony with him, then we chose the wrong path, we cut off the ‘ideal’,we live in a fallen world. Ministry is a constant giving and outpouring of ones emotional and spiritual resource, and I too only have so much energy. But I am still looking for the place where God want’s me to do this outside of work. But again, having ‘relationships’ to me means not only am I going give of myself but I expect to be given to as well, it’s a 2 way street. And this is where the break down happens…very few people want to ‘make friends’, if they think it will cost them anything. I observe as people get older (as I’m now in my 50′s)they aren’t as willing to be friendly! So to me, right now, in my situation, I see my desire to minister as output and my need for relationships as my personal need. Now for some Good news – I have made a new friend and am attending her bible study group on Sunday mornings before I go to serve in ministry at my church. I have some new hope I will make connections there. As far as the ‘fringe people’ there are none in my life at this time but I understand what you are suggesting. 90 percent of the time, its just me, a few customers coming through, but for each one I make an attempt to be respectful, friendly and kind to each one. It’s always my desire to be a blessing to them. I pray for all of my customers, Gods blessings over their lives, etc. I told my new friend I would really like to find a Christian group that does outreach. I’m praying for that and looking for the door God will open. Thanks again, for taking YOUR time, to discuss and minister to me, and to anyone. God Bless ya.
Heartpeace, I am sorry to be so long in replying to your last post. I had a series of strokes last month, and I find things rather slow. God has been very gracious to me, and the physical impact of the strokes is almost gone. I still have an eyesight problem, and a low tolerance for noise and confusion. But I’ll not have permanent impairment.
You are right: I have an ideal. I am also aware that in life we travel through barren places. My wife had an especially difficult passage a few years ago while we were serving a church that took pastor’s wives for granted. But even in that situation, God brought her one good friend who shared the drought with her. The good news is that the drought came to an end!
I am happy to hear about your new friend. I will pray that you mind strength, and that you will be a rich blessing to her.
Pastor Bill- Good to hear from you <3 and so sorry to hear of the strokes you've suffered! I am very glad you are not permanently impaired, Praise God. So many people (of all ages…) are experiencing strokes. My relief worker's neighbor, age 32 , just passed away last week of a heart attack. Yes, thank you for sharing about your wifes situation, I feel for her. "The Barren Straits" is a good description of my situation, lol. and yes, hallelujah,it WILL finally come to an end. I have been here many times before. Trials do eventually turn to gold
The Lord told me yesterday, when I was feeling 'responsible' for being 'stuck' here…He reassured me, that I am here for his disciplinary purposes, not really "punishment' but for 'training'. This helps and reminds me that He DOES have GREAT THINGS in store for my life & will be able to use me effectively in ministry. Perhaps this is like "The Wilderness" Jesus endured before his ministry blossomed. I do sense in my Spirit, this could be my case as well. Even in the midst of loneliness, I sense His provision and protection and am utterly grateful. Thank you for ministering to me; you have been only one of two ministers that I've run across that has been interested in connecting with me during this painful time. Standing and believing God for your complete healing Pastor Bill. Sincere thanks for your continued prayers. May God richly bless you.
Heartpeace, I am sorry that I cannot respond or post as frequently as I would like. I’m now back to teaching a partial course load and trying to work on some long overdue projects at home. Stamina is slowly returning, and I’m beginning to adjust to the vision damage.
I can’t accept that the misfortunes that come to us are punishment from God, though I’m sure that He does at times take a wayward follower to the woodshed. But God in his infinite creativity has woven into the moral tapestry of the universe an amazing set of “natural” consequences for taking life into our own hands. One familiar expression of this is “You will reap what you sow.” God himself is life, joy, peace, light and everything else good. When we choose our own way, and withdraw from him, those good things diminish and disappear, and we suffer the natural consequences of our willfulness.
But God also seems to withdraw from us when we have not walked away from him. St. John of the Cross called this “the dark night of the soul.” Many of God’s best leaders tell of periods in their lives that were apparently barren. Those periods of weeks or years often preceded their most fruitful ministries.
I’ll give one experience from my own life, though I was not in a “dark night,” just a hectic period. My wife and I become circuit ministers in the Methodist Church in Great Britain so that I would have access to the archives there to complete my degree. We we living on a shoe string in another country where we knew no one. The churches had the reputation of being much more liberal than we were, and we fully expected to take a lot of flack for our preaching of Scripture. We felt pressured and on guard. One elderly member invited us home for Sunday dinner, and we accepted graciously. After we had eaten a wonderful meal, he pulled his chair close to mine–we were actually touching–and looked me in the eye. He said, “I want to know what you have. Every time I get close to you, I feel the presence of God. What do you have?”
I was stunned. I was not conscious of anything different, only feeling rather scared and ill at ease. But God used us in a wonderful way even when we did feel much peace or confidence. You do not know to whom you are ministering even when you feel lonely or barren.