I attended my college reunion earlier this summer (more years ago than I want to admit!). I was reminded very forcefully about the importance of influential people in molding me for life. During the Alumni Banquet I was seated with my college roommate and his wife (my biology lab partner!) not far from the spot where one of the most transforming events of my college life happened. I want to tell you the story.
Image by manicmorff
It was my first semester, and I felt like a lost child. That morning in chapel the President had spoken on a topic that I cannot remember, but he had raised a question in my mind that I wanted to ask him. At lunch I was sitting by myself. I looked up and saw the President walking across the dining hall toward the faculty dining room, and I realized that he would come within a few yards of me. I jumped up and intercepted him in the middle of the room. I spoke his name, and he turned to look at me. I introduced myself, stated my question, and listen intently as he responded–briefly but thoughtfully. I was aware–keenly aware–that from the time I spoke his name, I was the only person on earth so far as he was concerned. I understood that he valued me and my questions, and affirmed by his attention that I was important.
The transaction may not have taken more than 2 minutes–I don’t know. But as I returned to my seat I looked back to see a large group of men in business suits following the President. It was the members of the Board of Trustees! Wow! He had taken 2 minutes of his time away from VIP’s to listen and respond to me. At that moment I promised myself that I was going to be that kind of person: he had his doctorate in ancient Semitic languages, was president of a nationally-recognized college, yet included me fully in his world for the time it took him to answer my question.
That was not my only interaction with him. We became personally acquainted and even traveled together on a couple of occasions. In years since I have sought his counsel on major issues in my life, and he found ways to help me fund research for my doctorate. I am not like him in many ways because he is a natural people-oriented person while I am an introvert. But I have chosen to rearrange my priorities to put people that enter my life ahead of deadlines and schedules.
We never know who might make the same decision about us, do we? I often think about the students in my classes and office. In what ways are they molded by their interaction with me? We must understand–and remember–that formative relationships grow from 2-minute episodes. The work that I now do, including this blog, is deliberately focused on interacting with as many people as possible: a student, a colleague, a neighbor, a cashier, a stranger on the street, that crosses my path. Who knows which of those short episodes will help mold a life. And the longer term relationships? Those also mold me!
Choose your models carefully.
What a powerful experience! I don’t think there is anything more important that we can do than valuing people–people from every walk of life. Thanks for the reminder!