The past president of Toyko Christian University explained to me the fundamental difference between the Japanese and Americans (and this applies to all eastern civilizations and all Westerners). The Japanese believe that individual identity lies in the group to which one belongs. Any individual will have as many identities as groups. He (or she—and so throughout) is a member of a family, an employee of a corporation, and a member of a bowling team (and likely others). He identifies with the values and practices of the group in which he is engaged at a given moment. He assumes for a time the values, conduct, and relationships that characterize that group. When he moves to another group, his values and conduct shift and conform to the new group. That these values are different, and even conflicting, does not matter so long as he conforms to these varying roles.
On the other hand, Westerners are taught that integrity requires that we exhibit the same values and conduct in differing roles. We see a pattern of shifting values to be evidence of dishonesty, manipulation, or lack of character. We describe as “mature” one who demonstrates consistency of values in multiple roles. Who is being molded by his relationships? It would appear that the Japanese are, and the Americans are not. In fact, being molded by relationships is similar in both cultures.
Image By: Derek & Sarah Grant
I bet you know of someone, young or middle-aged, who has dropped out to find herself. Abandoning responsibilities and relationships, she begins a search for meaning within herself, looking among competing desires and aspirations for some solid core of “this is who I really am.” Such searches are doomed until the searcher discovers that meaning and identity actually come from outside of us.
To understand this, simply think about children growing up. A baby responds to her mother’s voice first, and then quickly learns to draw particular responses from her. The same process is then repeated over and over, with other members of the family, friends, teachers, romantic partners.
What are the implications for our spiritual lives? If our understanding of who we are is formed in the words and actions of those close to us, then the kind of relationships we deliberately develop are critically important.
I had classmates in college who insisted that they visited bars with their non-Christian friends in order to witness to them, only to be captured by that lifestyle. What happened? Did they endanger themselves by seeking to influence their friends? No, I don’t think so. Two things were happening: first, my friends were being dishonest about their motives. They were looking for “freedom” rather than “ministry.” Their motivation was rooted in self-interest. Second, they were not rooted in a web of formative Christian relationships from which they were energized to reach out to others. The two errors, of course, are two sides of the same coin. They were neglecting honest spiritual relationships in order to gain autonomy and found themselves conformed to the prevailing culture because they lacked vital bonds. Formative relationships work both ways. We make the choice.
Food for thought: How many marriages have been undermined because of relationships at work?
Reader Remarks